


journey through the self

by farthendur



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Casual Tencas, Character Study, Endgame Luwoo, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Past Yukhei/Sicheng, Past Yukhei/Taeyong, Yukhei centric, Yukhei is Ten's security guard, mild crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:31:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farthendur/pseuds/farthendur
Summary: "Yukhei, 20, Alpha, FERTILEYukhei’s Tinder profile, for a good two years, is the definition of “wacky puppy that never grew past traditions from a century ago thinks he’ll be a dad at 19”."Yukhei is a hopeless romantic alpha, in a time where omegas no longer feel the need to mate for life. He gets into relationship after relationship, just wanting to settle down and have a family, but these omegas aren't having it. Why don't they want his pups? Will he ever find happiness?





	journey through the self

**Author's Note:**

> Dearest prompter, I hope this is to your liking! I love, love, love Yukhei, and so I opted to make this quite the Yukhei-centric character study a little more so than a ship fic.

Would it be a gross exaggeration to say that the first time Yukhei saw him, his heart skipped a beat and he went into a state of shock that lasted the whole week? Yeah, sure. Probably. But will Yukhei ever stop openly claiming that magical harps began playing by his ears and he nearly swallowed his tongue when Jungwoo first walked into the dressing room? Absolutely not.

He’d been semi-prepared, sure. Even though he no longer openly questioned or even wondered if a new person he was meeting is a beta or, hopefully, and omega, Yukhei had heard a bit about the new stylist Doyoung had hired for Ten. He knew to expect someone who was great at his job, with a great sense for fashion and really good hair (courtesy of Doyoung’s skilled hands).

But he hadn’t been prepared for the tall, lean, gorgeous Omega that shyly stood in the doorway, eyes bright but uncertain, until he was invited to step into the dressing room. Had _not_ been prepared for the way his brain hurled into overdrive and his hearing flooded with the sound of the wind on a spring day and he could see, crystal clear, himself and this stunning omega, Jungwoo, in the sun, in a clearing, on a soft blanket over soft, lush green grass, feeding each other cheese - or maybe little pretzel dogs - while adorable pups play around them, and the warm rays of sunshine caress Jungwoo’s hair as Jungwoo’s fingers caress Yukhei’s dreamy, fond Alpha face.

Yukhei is done for when Jungwoo opens his mouth to respond to Ten’s greeting.

“Good morning,” he says and it’s like the gentlest breeze strokes Yukhei’s ears. “Traffic wasn’t too bad. Looks like this place is already so busy.”

Ten replies something about that being normal for TV stations, but Yukhei’s heart has nearly stopped, soothed to infinity by the way Jungwoo’s delicate voice made feathers drop onto it, one after another, lulling Yukhei into a state of utter awe.

“--so we’ll need you in maybe ten minutes to get started on his face. Dayeon will come by to give you some pointers,” Doyoung explains while working his fingers through Ten’s hair and rubbing product in.

“I trust you completely, but we thought it would be useful for you to hear from her about the quirks of my gorgeous face,” Ten adds, smiling in the mirror.

“Okay. That sounds good,” Jungwoo says and Yukhei is closer than ever to Heaven. How is Jungwoo’s hair so softly blond? How are his eyes so beautifully round? “Is there a bathroom around here?”

“Yep. Xuxi, can you show him where it is?” Doyoung throws Yukhei a look over his shoulder. “Xuxi?”

“Huh? Yes, y-yeah, I can-- I’ll show. Him. The bathroom,” Yukhei somehow scrambles to his feet and wipes some drool from the corner of his mouth. There’s no bonding mark on Jungwoo’s neck and that is thrilling.

In the hallway, he forces himself to meet Jungwoo’s wide eyes. They seem to be watching the Alpha with curiosity at best, and terror at worst.

“I-I’m Yukhei, I’m Ten’s personal bodyguard and chief of security,” Yukhei says, puffing out his chest as best as he can, but his voice comes out so much quieter than he intends it to. Oh well, it’s not like he could be blushing any harder without catching fire.

Jungwoo’s handshake is short and firm despite how blissfully soft his skin is. Yukhei’s knees nearly buckle when the omega responds, hardly believing Jungwoo is speaking to  _ him _ . 

“Nice to meet you, Yukhei, Doyoung’s told me good things about you!”

“H-h-he has?”

“Um, yeah, I’ve heard you’re great at your job.”

Yukhei’s chest naturally puffs out even more, and as he shows Jungwoo to the studio bathroom, faint wedding bells ring in his ears.

***

Even before Yukhei presented, his father was convinced the boy would be an Alpha and, thus, brought him up according to conservative expectations of an Alpha. It wasn’t so much about the way Yukhei himself would behave. More so, Yukhei grew up with one vision of what his future would look like instilled deep within him: he’d be a strong, attractive Alpha and he’d meet an Omega who, like any other Omega, would be fawning over the idea of settling down and raising a family. Pretty soon, Yukhei would find himself with a whole bunch of pups he and his sweet Omega would take care of, and he’d be the best, most benevolent Alpha dad there ever was.

Perhaps it was that his parents saw that Yukhei didn’t have the classic broody or assertive or plain aggressive temperament Alphas are stereotyped to have. Perhaps they decided to accept that Yukhei was a sweet, sensitive boy who had lots of love for everyone. They certainly indulged that side of him, which was, of course, quite at odds with what would be expected of an Alpha. Years later, Yukhei would be thankful for this gentleness on his parents’ part.

But until he reached his twenties, Yukhei was very much entangled in that one vision of his future. He grew into a hopeless romantic, committed to being the best gentleman to every Omega and always picking walks on the beach or picnics under the stars as his first date choices. By the time he was sixteen, he had diligently watched all the soapy dramas about the Omega falling for the handsome Alpha and then starting a happy family (though the ones where the couple had to go through many obstacles always made him quite sad).

Of course, as he grew and started dating, Yukhei quickly noticed that the world was quite earnestly moving away from the idea that all Omegas are destined for is to quickly mate with an Alpha and bear pups. It was confusing and disconcerting - and certainly led to some mild early heartbreaks, too. Still, Yukhei would tell himself, if others have different goals in life, if they aren’t interested in the glory of being parents, if they don’t want to have a happy and fulfilled life with a big family, then that’s okay. Everyone has different life goals.

His dad, too, pulled him aside many-a-time for regular “Son, I’m telling you this man to man, Alpha to Alpha,” kind of talks where Yukhei would focus very, very hard on remembering everything about what it means to be a good father, how blood stands above all, and what a happy family looks like.

And thus - again, perhaps entirely predictably - reality hits hopeless romantic Yukhei like a ton of bricks right around the time he enters college.

  
***  
  


Jungwoo turns out to be pretty much nothing like what Yukhei thought he would be, from those brief interactions they had on the Omega’s first day. Yukhei was ready to be all charming Alpha around him, make him swoon with his chivalry and entertain him all day long with his stupid jokes, but instead stays mostly quiet and wide-eyed, riveted by how quickly Jungwoo relaxes around the team and reveals himself to be cheeky and oddly goofy. Jungwoo wows him with occasional outbursts of randomness and funny quips, his charming smile and quick hands as he works on Ten’s face. The Alpha is rendered speechless so much so that it doesn’t escape the notice of either Ten or Doyoung who frequently share knowing looks whenever they catch Yukhei watching Jungwoo slack-jawed.

Little by little, the ice created between Yukhei and Jungwoo by how smitten the Alpha is in the first place melts away and the two develop a casual friendship. Once everything is set up for whatever schedule Ten has on a given day, Yukhei often hangs around the team prepping his boss, and so he and Jungwoo get to know each other and hit it off more naturally than Yukhei expected. Being new to the team, Jungwoo still needs some time to fully fit in, so he seems to take to the Alpha’s attention and reciprocate, to Yukhei’s delight. They sit close at team dinners, and banter back and forth while Ten is getting his hair done. Yukhei proudly makes a point of making his calls and coordinating his team from somewhere within Jungwoo’s earshot any time he can and thrives off of Jungwoo’s seemingly impressed faces whenever the alpha pulls off a last minute change in schedule and rearranges his team to tackle an unexpected crisis within a minute’s notice.

They cross paths little outside of work. They text sometimes, or exchange the occasional snap, but as hard as Yukhei tries to get better at texting for the sake of wooing Jungwoo, it’s just not one of his fat thumbs’ strengths, so he hopes the goofy selfies or adorable pictures of his dogs that he sends Jungwoo express his affection well enough. And so, it’s not until Ten has a private performance at a disgustingly fancy resort with a beautiful spa complex (set up all for Ten’s team for the night, thank you very much) that Yukhei and Jungwoo get to spend a little more time in a less than professional setting, soaking comfortably in a hot tub and blowing soap bubbles into the air. 

“Can you-- stop! God, Xuxi,” Ten kicks water back at Yukhei while stepping out of the tub, but Yukhei just flicks some more foam at him giggling. “Do you want me to slip and fall? Let me at least get the champagne first.”

He saunters off to the lounge area, and Yukhei fixes his gaze on Doyoung instead. He goes for a tiny wave of a splash first, but when that fails to get the beta’s attention, elbows Jungwoo.

“Doyoungie, loosen up,” Jungwoo kicks some water at Doyoung who just huffs and turns around, continuing to text furiously.

“How does he do it with wet thumbs?” Yukhei wonders, letting his chin float atop the hot water.

“Young love gives you all kinds of powers,” Jungwoo says sagely and Yukhei tries to stop his heart from skipping any more beats than it already has after seeing Jungwoo’s lean body in swimming shorts. “Doyoungie, tell us his name! Why are you keeping secrets from your closest friends?”

Yukhei stretches out his leg to nudge Doyoung with a toe.

“I hear he’s a beta too…” he wiggles his eyebrows at Jungwoo.

“Didn’t you meet him in Japan, hyung?” Jungwoo continues to prod while reaching for a selfie stick balanced on one of the wooden grill benches by the hot tub. When Doyoung doesn’t answer, Jungwoo glides through the water closer to Yukhei and positions the camera between them. “Xuxi, be cute.”

While Ten takes a weirdly long time getting the champagne (and eventually returns, also furiously texting on his phone), Jungwoo and Yukhei snap dozens of photos of themselves in the tub on the camera intended for Ten’s latest vlog. They splash around, make obscene gestures for the editing team’s later enjoyment, and Yukhei even makes a glorious beard out of foam. Jungwoo doesn’t seem to mind their physical contact at all, and Yukhei’s wolf is whining in quiet excitement. Once the champagne is flowing and a pleasant buzz seizes the four of them, Jungwoo gets even more endearing, making the cutest noises while goofing around with Ten. Yukhei thinks his heart is done for by then, but only truly feels it stop when Jungwoo makes the Alpha lock elbows with him to down their champagne together.

The Alpha is unsure what to make of the afternoon in the hot tub. The recently mature part of him tells him he shouldn’t overthink it. Jungwoo is a great guy and an awesome friend, and they all had fun relaxing at the spa, and that’s all there is to it. No use blowing things out of proportion to satisfy the part of his own brain that is still, and will always be, hyperfixated on snagging a mate and having a family as soon as humanly possible.

Still, it’s hard not to overthink when dinnertime comes and Ten has a private meal arranged with a certain old friend by the name of Qian Kun, so his team is free to enjoy the resort and surroundings, and Yukhei ends up walking to a nearby ramen shop with none other but Jungwoo - at the Omega’s own insistence. 

The weather is mild, but cooler than expected, and the damp air brings a chilly breeze to ruffle Jungwoo’s blonde locks handsomely. Yukhei tries not to stare too much. They walk and chat side by side, hands deep in their pockets, trying not to shiver. A little before they reach the secluded shop, Yukhei offers his sweatshirt to Jungwoo. When he hits his chest and pulls a dumb face and says his Alpha blood will keep him warm, Jungwoo laughs. The whole night, Yukhei’s wolf yips and whines, restless in barely contained excitement. And when they part in the hotel hallway between their respective rooms, Jungwoo gives him a warm, gentle hug without a moment of hesitation, and Yukhei thinks this is promising. There might just really be a future here.

***

_ Yukhei, 20, Alpha,  _ **_FERTILE_ **

Yukhei’s Tinder profile, for a good two years, is the definition of “wacky puppy that never grew past traditions from a century ago thinks he’ll be a dad at 19”. He’s on it for at least half a day, every day, diligently swiping “yes” on at least two-thirds of the profiles he comes across, and starting a conversation with every single person he matches with - yes, even the betas! Maybe they’re not all exactly his type, and maybe they’re not all the kind of mate material he’s supposed to be after, but he has to keep his options open and maximize his chances. With will, all relationships can work and make a happy family. Or so he’s been taught.

But, of course, that’s really not how most people think nowadays. Just like most Omegas don’t feel bound by their status to a fate of early marriage and children by twenty-five at the latest. People have careers or other dreams and aspirations; some want to date until they find someone they truly want to settle with; others plain and simple don’t want kids. Alphas date alphas and omegas date omegas and people are just generally way happier doing what their heart desires.

Except for Yukhei.

Yukhei, who for years follows his tunnel vision and dreams of starting a family like it’s his only purpose in life. Yukhei, whose heart feels crushed and torn apart every time a relationship doesn’t work out or an Omega has to make it explicitly clear, multiple times, that they are only interested in a more casual relationship. 

He never really falls down the incel path, never really grows  _ too _ bitter and hateful, but he sure toes the line. At first, whenever he would drop the bombshell on a prospective partner or someone he’s been on a few dates with, that he totally and one-hundred-percent expects this arrangement to ideally lead to marriage, he takes the freaked out looks and rejection in stride. Some people are just immature and not ready for that, and he just needs to find the one that is.

A little bit of dating history later, Yukhei adjusts his approach, realizing that people do in fact need to be at least a bit compatible to begin a long-term relationship. In between serious relationships, he enjoys hooking up with people and hoping that they’ll see what an amazing person and Alpha he is and probably want to date him if not now, then down the line. It’s those kinds of casual encounters though that contribute the most to his burnt out bitterness and have him feeling like Omegas only see him as a big-dicked, empty-headed Alpha and nothing more. And sure, some definitely do - but, Doyoung explains one time, with barely contained irritation but love, too, Yukhei needs to stop conflating all these things to justify being mad at all Omegas for supposedly not wanting to fulfill their duty or whatever.

“Shitty people do shitty things, Xuxi. I’m sorry that Vanessa or whatever her name was led you on and objectified you, but she’s not a representative of all Omegas, and neither are any other Omegas that made you feel that way,” he says, stirring more sugar into his coffee, throwing Yukhei’s pouty face an occasional glance. “You have to separate your hurt from this or you’re no better. That, and you need to realize most Omegas won’t want to settle at twenty.”

The last part of Doyoung’s caring scolding didn’t even register in Yukhei’s brain, not at that point at least, but he did make more of an effort to see things beyond black and white. 

Years later, Yukhei’s thankful that his friends saw in him the loving, impressionable, kind-hearted pup he truly was that whole time and stuck around despite how insufferable he was. He once joked that Tinder should indeed be called “Kinder” instead, since the end goal is, obviously, a family and kids. How Doyoung didn’t murder him then and there remains a mystery to present-day Yukhei, but he’s grateful for his life - and his friends.

His friends are the only thing that keeps him afloat as he sinks deeper and deeper into a jaded sadness, after Taeyong tells him, tears streaming down both their faces, that the kind of forced pursuit of committed love they put themselves in is toxic and neither of them deserves it.

***

It’s a perfect twenty-four degrees, sunny but breezy, low humidity and wonderful lighting for Ten’s afternoon meet-and-greet in the park. The press conference that precedes the event is indoors, as is the short cocktail, giving Yukhei enough time to make sure enough people are in place around the park to keep everything secure the whole evening. 

He feels handsome and confident in his all-black suit, small golden hoops gleaming in his ears, hair gelled up and out of his forehead. He’s tall, jacked, and really fucking cute when he smiles, and the only downside to all of that is that he can’t show it off during their public events because he’s supposed to be full scary giant Alpha as chief of security. The biggest upside, on the other hand, is that Jungwoo himself complimented Yukhei’s outfit just five minutes ago (while Yukhei was fiercely fighting a blush induced by Jungwoo’s own dazzling outfit). 

“Tennie,” Yukhei tries to get his boss’ attention once again as he walks further into the room and Ten finally looks up from his phone. He’s in the make up chair and it looks like Jungwoo has stepped away for a moment because the singer’s face is definitely not finished.

“What’s up?”

“We are all good for the press conference. I think they must have changed the security lead for the building because coordinating with their team went a lot smoother this time,” Yukhei says, leaning against the make up table.

“Oh, good. Okay, yeah, let me know if anything comes up.”

“On another note, I’m taking Thursday and Friday off next week.”

“Rut?”

“Yep.”

“All cleared with Taeyong?”

“Just did, he said he has it down and it shouldn’t be an issue for Kun Hang to step up for those days.”

Ten nods, unlocking his phone again, “Great. Looks like I’ll be able to come by Friday and Saturday at least.”

Yukhei grins and wiggles his eyebrows, “It’s a date.”

“It’s not a date, Yukhei, a date is when we hang out like normal people and you buy me food with the money I pay you. Not when you repeatedly stick your--”

“Jungwoo, I love this new eyeliner you put on him, what is it?”

Ten looks up at the approaching Omega, then laughs silently at Yukhei and his red face. For his part, Jungwoo stops humming to himself and looks at Ten.

“It looks amazing, doesn’t it? Honestly, I didn’t see the brand, but I borrowed it from the make up team of the group that’s using the venue after us. I’ll have to check with them later, it looks so good on you, Ten.”

Yukhei sticks around a little longer to chat with Ten and Jungwoo. He takes a pointed interest in the process of Jungwoo getting Ten’s make up done, and he hopes it comes across as casual, but Jungwoo is so happy to explain and show him that the Alpha ends up running late to getting in position for the beginning of the conference. 

He has a free moment during the cocktail hour and is downing his second water bottle in the corner of the venue when his wolf bristles up at the scent of none other than Jungwoo.

“H-hey,” Yukhei chokes on his water when he whips around to respond to the Omega’s greeting. He coughs into his sleeve and Jungwoo gives him a pat on the back.

“You okay? Sorry if I startled you!”

“No, you’re fine, it’s okay…”

Jungwoo reaches around him to pick up an olive from the tray of snacks and slots it in his mouth. His arm brushes Yukhei’s chest and the Alpha is smitten.

“They have some amazing food at the bar, have you tried it?”

“No, what do they have? I’ve just been standing around the back the whole time so far,” Yukhei tries to get some of his dignity back and seize the opportunity to be around Jungwoo. In his head, he’s been replaying the way Jungwoo would pull him closer to show him details on Ten’s face earlier all night, and his wolf is restless again, so eager for more of Jungwoo’s attention and affection.

“Come, let’s go grab something before you have to work again,” Jungwoo’s hand slides down Yukhei’s sleeve to his elbow and tugs, but before Yukhei can take a step, Jungwoo turns back around and they almost run into each other. Yukhei has never been at such a loss for words, so he just listens, wide eyed, as an impossibly handsome Jungwoo stumbles through his words and somehow remains the most adorable man alive, “Oh, I almost forgot! Do you want me to show you what that new eyeliner I was showing you earlier would look like on you? Seemed like you were interested, so if you want, you can come to my place! I live a bit far, but it would be a nice way to wrap up the day after the meet-and-greet. If you want. I just haven’t had a chance to try all of them on Ten yet and it seemed like--”

Yukhei finally finds his voice and he puts up a giant hand, waves it between him and Jungwoo, “No, no, I would love to, yeah. I’d be totally down! Eyeliner? Yeah, sign me up! I can’t think of a better way to spend my evening than with you! I mean, getting my make up done by you!” 

Mercifully, Yukhei’s in-ear crackles to life just then, and Taeyong’s sweet voice asks him to meet at the other end of the hall.

“Oh, gotta go. Taeyong calls. Duty-- duty calls. See you later!”

Yukhei doesn’t get a chance to dwell on  _ that _ whole exchange and overanalyze every second of it like he would very much like to. Instead, the day flies by and he and his team are busy for every second of it. Belatedly, he remembers he and Jungwoo have to make actual plans about their….date? Not date? It sure seems like it’s a date, but maybe Yukhei shouldn’t get ahead of himself as is in his blood to do.

Jungwoo, however, seems to be ahead of him once more, as his phone buzzes with a text: 

_ hey big alpha ;P sorry to distract u from ur work but i’m done for the day, so i can either wait for u if u want to ride with me to my place or i can give u the address and i’ll meet u there later  _

Before Yukhei can begin to compose himself from the “big alpha” remark, another text comes in and Yukhei questions if maybe he somehow ended up in another universe without noticing. 

_ or of course u can follow my scent home… _

Only by some miracle does Yukhei make it through the rest of the event without anyone noticing his unwavering boner. When he finally makes it to Jungwoo’s apartment, a bottle of wine in arm, there is no trace of the Jungwoo that texted him Those cursed texts. His boner has been willed down, his hair is still great, and he’s changed into some more comfortable clothes, so as he sits on Jungwoo’s couch, waiting for him to bring in the take out that was just delivered, he thinks he has a pretty fat chance at this night being awesome - especially since the Jungwoo from another dimension who was texting him earlier is nowhere in sight.

This Jungwoo is sweet and goofy and so damn  _ fun _ to be around, but he’s a bit reserved, like there’s more of him to see as he and Yukhei get closer. It only gets Yukhei more excited to be around the Omega, to discover more sides to him, to keep building on the sturdy connection he already feels between them. 

They slurp on noodles and chat about the past week at work and laugh over a sitcom. It’s so light and natural that Yukhei almost forgets that this is pretty much a date because how could it not be a date. He would almost forget, if it wasn’t for how handsome and poised yet ridiculously cuddly Jungwoo looks in his sweater, the collar of his button-down soft.

Once they’re full, Jungwoo brings out his supplies - a formidable amount, considering he said it’s only a little portion of all he owns.

“So,” he purses his lips adorably, hands on his sides, looking over the various bottles and tubes and brushes and boxes that mean nothing to Yukhei. “You’re modeling for me, right?”

“I’m what?”

“Well, how else am I supposed to show you? I have to do it on  _ someone’s _ face.”

All protests die in Yukhei’s throat when Jungwoo leans in to his and squints, examining his face. He even stops  _ breathing _ , with how close the Omega is, how much stronger his scent gets. Yukhei doesn’t know where to look: Jungwoo’s lips? Jungwoo’s eyes? Jungwoo’s neck, free of a bonding mark and so beautiful?

His inner turmoil is only slightly soothed by Jungwoo’s relaxing touch and narration as the Omega applies product after product. Yukhei muses to himself that applying make up is essentially just an elaborate brushing/petting session and that thought makes him happy.

It’s not, however, enough to distract him from how close Jungwoo is, or how gorgeous he looks framed by the light of the room. When Jungwoo’s finishing Yukhei’s eyeliner, the Alpha does his absolute best not to stare too hard, not too look too smitten - he doesn’t want to make Jungwoo uncomfortable, after all, even though this is sort of a date, so maybe it’s okay? And while he’s all in his head trying to figure out how he’s supposed to feel and act, Jungwoo pulls back just a few centimeters and inspects his handiwork.

But then the Omega’s gaze focuses on Yukhei’s eyes, flickers to his lips, back up again, and Yukhei sucks in a breath. 

Without a word, Jungwoo closes the gap between them and presses his lips to Yukhei’s in a soft, lasting kiss. 

***

After Taeyong, there’s a dark, hazy time of casual hook ups that only make Yukhei more bitter. At this point, he’s not sure why he keeps doing it to himself. Need is obviously the biggest reason, but something tells him he seeks out people that aren’t looking for commitment just to reaffirm his own jaded look on the world.

Taeyong stays close and it hurts less than the Alpha thought it would. He’s Taeyong, after all. One of his best friends, and an angel Yukhei could never resent. In a way, continuing to see him makes it hurt less, and in time, Yukhei realizes that that’s because they had been less than lovers for a long time before they separated.

But time passes, and Yukhei is still alone. A bachelor. Unmated. Terms that were thrown around with a certain dose of contempt in Yukhei’s house while he was growing up. Terms that now, every time the Alpha goes home, are spoken more softly, with more hesitation, more embarrassment than contempt. His father doesn’t miss a chance to make it clear Yukhei needs to do something about his single status very soon, and it’s not helping. It’s not helping one bit with how miserable Yukhei already feels.

He’s twenty-three now and most of his friends from the conservative circle he ran in as a kid are married, some proudly show off their litters on social media, and Yukhei just wants to quit. Everything. How long does he have to wait for his happily ever after?

Then, Sicheng comes along and the world acquires hue again. Sicheng is stunning, quiet, gentle, witty, fantastic to be around once he and Yukhei get to know each other in and out. They have a good run, long enough that Yukhei starts saving up for a ring. But it’s not meant to be. Little things come up that point to the bigger problem and when that bigger problem rears its head, Yukhei and Sicheng realize they’re far more alike than they thought, both rushing after that one coveted moment, the thing they’ve been taught is the only culmination they should be after. 

Yukhei doesn’t get it, but Sicheng does. Yukhei is willing to continue despite a lack of feelings between them, but Sicheng isn’t, not anymore.

Sicheng doesn’t stick around. He has a whole world to explore.

The only thing Yukhei is left with is his shitty job and cold, empty apartment. 

He hits absolute rock bottom, where none of his characteristic cheerful optimism is around to even try to pick him up, when Jaehyun and Johnny break the big news to their friend group. Married for two years now, they’ve both been wanting pups for a while, but because they’re both Alphas, having children that are biologically related to both of them is entirely too expensive. Taeyong - of all people, of all people in the world - agrees to carry a child for them, and it all feels like a feverish nightmare to Yukhei. Does the universe have no mercy for him?

He comes home every night, broken and exhausted, and can’t fall asleep for hours. Tossing and turning in his bed, feeling anger and hurt and  _ shame _ tear through his soul. Running through all the people’s dated in his mind, wondering - where did he go wrong? What is it about him that pushes others away? Why won’t they stick around? Why don’t they want his pups? Is it too much to ask - for a family?

Yukhei’s friends notice, of course they do. A huge sulky puppy of an Alpha like Yukhei is hard to miss. Doyoung helps him find a job with the same singer he’s been a hairdresser for since last year. Ten is a rising star, already surprisingly established, and in need of a new deputy chief of security. Yukhei has the background, the body, and the brains, and Doyoung hopes the new responsibilities will help the Alpha get out of his funk.

It takes longer than the Beta expects. A new job is a much needed change of scenery and he vibes with his coworkers and boss wonderfully, but the hollow inside Yukhei is about more than that. He frequents bars more often, but not at all with the intention of looking to meet someone.

It's a mild Thursday night, clear skies and a soft breeze, and as Yukhei makes his way to the bar, he thinks, with nearly resigned bitterness, that he should be out there enjoying this lovely weather. Taking in the fresh scent of the river, watching the sunset. He shakes his head and enters the bar, ready for his usual starter whiskey.

He's on his third beer, drawing odd circles on a napkin with his nail while letting the din of the place wash over him, when an Omega sits in the stool next to him. He doesn't look up as she clearly expects him to. When she finally greets him, he swallows a sip and glances at her. She's beautiful, charming, probably a joy to be around. Yukhei is completely out of it. She chats him up and he lets her, indulges her for a few minutes. It's pleasant. Doesn't feel like flirting until it does and she starts leaning closer and Yukhei feels his stomach turn - not in distaste, but in hollow hurt, because he can't, he can't do this again and simply has no energy left in him to pursue another disappointment. She twirls her hair between her fingers, and he looks away. Gets quieter. When her drink empties, he doesn't offer to buy her a new one. When she mentions she has to get going, doesn't live far, but would rather not walk alone in the dark, he offers to call her a cab. He's too spent to even be annoyed. Too miserable not to down another whiskey without worry about his early morning the next day.

But the whiskey goes down with much difficulty, like his throat is all of a sudden much too tight. His eyes prickle with unexpected tears. He takes a deep, shaky breath, wills himself not to freak out and pays his tab and spills out onto the street and barely stifles a sob. He's much more unstable than he thought he would be. He should be calling himself a cab, but he can't really think about going through the trouble, so he makes a choice that he's wildly grateful for later on.

"I'll come get you yeah," Doyoung's voice sounds, too loud against Yukhei's ear. "Yeah, don't worry, just stay put, okay?"

Doyoung drives them back to Yukhei's apartment and makes him chug a glass of water. He's way too concerned, Yukhei is fine, really, but it feels good to have someone else around. Someone who cares about him.

They sit on the floor in silence, backs against the couch until Doyoung grunts about how hard the ground is and hauls himself up on the couch.

"What's wrong, Xuxi? We can't just sit here and not say anything all night," the Beta finally prompts. "You said you needed someone to be around. You're drunk, you're--"

"I'm not drunk."

"Okay, sure, whatever you want. Just tell me what's up," he nudges Yukhei affectionately with his foot.

Yukhei sighs a mighty sigh.

"I'm just so lonely, Doyoungie! And I'm going to be forever and always alone and that's the reality of it!"

Doyoung flinches at Yukhei's plaintive, pained tone and sighs.

"We've been over this so many times, Xuxi...You need to-- You need to change the way you think about this. Honestly, you need to grow up!"

Yukhei shakes his head, rolls his eyes. They  _ have  _ been over this. Grow up? What's more mature than wanting to settle down, start a family, be a dad?!

"You've gotta put on some big boy glasses and stop seeing everything in black and white. You've had some great relationships behind you and I'm sorry they ended not how you wanted them to, I'm sorry you were hurt, but it's how it is. It's not some grand scheme against Alphas or against  _ you _ . Happiness can take time.”

Yukhei heaves out a big sigh, shaking his head, eyes prickling with tears. There’s no reason for Doyoung to be so mean.

“I’m an Alpha, Doyoung. I’m a twenty-six year old unmated Alpha. There’s nothing normal about that,” he tries to assert through his hurt.

Doyoung shakes his head back at him.

“Yukhei, I’m sorry, but that’s so stupid. We’ve been at this for years and years, I’ve heard you say this so many times, and I’m sick of it, honestly. It’s bullshit, it’s bad for those around you, and it’s bad for  _ you _ ,” Doyoung slides off the couch, braving the tough floor to be closer to Yukhei since he knows the younger is comforted by touch. His tone is softer when he starts again, but his words leave Yukhei confused, “You’re not much of a classic Alpha either, Xuxi.”

Yukhei gives him the most wounded look he can muster and Doyoung chuckles, reaching out to rub the Alpha’s neck.

“I’m just saying. You’re goofy and kind, you don’t really like taking charge a whole lot...not very alpha characteristics. But before you implode from how defensive you’re getting, let me tell you, it’s okay. All that stuff about what it means to be an alpha or an omega or an omicron, it’s not real...We’re all different, man. All your alpha status gives you is a sort of irresistible smell and a knot and sometimes a bit of feral energy,” Doyoung laughs, enjoying the sound of his own words even if Yukhei doesn’t look very convinced. “Everything else, that’s  _ you, your personality. _ And you’re gonna have to get over this idea that status defines a person, and that being mated or being a father or having a family defines you. It’ll come when it’s supposed to. You’re a wonderful person as you are, and you’re gonna be a wonderful dad one day, but right now you aren’t, and that’s okay.”

Yukhei sighs again, raspy, shaky. He lets his head drop back against the couch cushion. Tears stream down his face, but he’s not sobbing. Just drunk and hurting. Doyoung recognizes that he needn’t speak any more, so he just pets the Alpha’s neck some more and nags him to drink water every now and again, until he’s too tired to keep sulking and repeating “Why don’t they want my pups?” and lets himself be led to bed.

It takes a while after that, and a few more conversations like that, but Yukhei starts to pluck himself back together bit by bit. He makes more friends working on Ten’s team, excels at his responsibilities and becomes a whole lot busier when he’s promoted to chief of security. His mind has less time to wander, his soul feels more fulfilled.

Pretty quickly Yukhei starts feeling a spark between him and Ten. It makes complete sense - Ten is breathtakingly attractive, witty and talented, Yukhei basically adores him as an artist and, as he gets to know him, as a person. They hit it off so well too, so when Ten starts to pretty openly flirt with the Alpha when they get some privacy, Yukhei naturally flirts right back. They fuck the night away for the first time the day that Yukhei gets promoted, and Yukhei wakes up with Ten’s compact, hot little body in his arms convinced that he’s in love.

But before he can start planning their retirement together (already having run through the wedding and multiple litters they’d have in his mind), Ten breaks it to him that even if they looked past the questionable ethics of a potential relationship between them due to their boss-employee status, they still wouldn’t work out. Ten is young and busy, on the cusp of making it bigger than ever, loves life and his freedom as an artist and person. In a way, he’s everything that Yukhei has been trying to avoid, yet they get along so well. For once, Yukhei feels like he’s okay with something so casual. And maybe it’s because they spend so much time together and trust each other endlessly, maybe it’s because the sex is so mindblowing. Or maybe Yukhei is finally finding peace.

(Besides, Yukhei learns through observation later, Ten very much has a huge crush on his childhood friend, world renowned magician Qian Kun. He can deny it all he wants and pretend he finds Kun’s rise to fame and occupation ridiculous, but even Yukhei can tell Ten would gladly spend all night watching Kun shuffle cards, even if just to make fun of him. The Alpha keeps that knowledge to himself, though, because the one time he joked that Ten’s favorite magic trick is “Where did the dick go?”, he was a hair away from losing his job.)

Life transitions from hell to...okay. Doyoung starts to think all his pep talks have finally worked, and maybe he’s not far from the truth.

Yukhei still thinks a whole lot about what it would be like to have someone to come home to every night. Still wishes he could share his bed with someone every night, not just the few nights a month Ten sleeps over. Still imagines, with his heart squeezing, a future where he hears kids’ voices calling out “Dad!” from around the house every day. But somehow, there’s a blanket of peace over his soul now, a patient promise. Maybe he just has to trust the universe.

Of course, having a job that keeps him busy and fulfilled and a community of friends and family who keep his heart full helps more than anything. At some point Yukhei decides that he has the money and time to actually make bring some more members into his family. After some searching and various helpful YouTube playlists on how to raise a dog, he brings two kindred souls to his home: a giant black wolfdog by the name of Bobo, and an energetic little Yorkie by the name of Toto. Pretty quickly, the two pups own his heart like no one has before, and coming home feels different than it ever has when you’re greeted by two creatures whose entire world is centered on you. His friends are wary of both dogs at first, but once Yukhei manages to teach the pups out of their overprotective aggression, they become everyone’s favorite.

Ten, of course, knows all about Yukhei’s woes and desperate desire to be a dad. He hears about it semi-regularly when they hang out, but he knows the Alpha is in a much better place now than he used to, so he lets him whine when he needs to.

Almost prophetically, a month before a certain Kim Jungwoo is hired into their team, Ten gives Yukhei one of his reassuring talks in between rounds of heat-frenzied sex. Yukhei is sitting there on the couch, giant, muscular, naked, baby-faced, a little curled in on himself as he laments how wonderful it would be if he could find someone to be Bobo and Toto’s other parent. Alas, he sighs, maybe the universe has destined him to forever be alone.

“Xuxi,” Ten starts, shifting on his knees and placing a tiny hand over Yukhei’s giant one. “Look at you. You’re an amazing Alpha and an amazing person. Everything about you is worthy of love and appreciation. Your wonderful, kind heart, and your goofy ass sense of humor, and how generous you are and how much smarter you are than you let on, and how you always want to do your best and make everyone around you happy--”

Yukhei’s chest is tight and he’s blushing furiously under Ten’s adoring look, melting at his words, his own eyes giant and twinkling. The hopeless romantic part of him soars and blossoms with hope that maybe, just maybe this means he  _ does  _ have a chance with Ten. But he knows better, so turns a deaf ear to that and focuses on the way Ten is petting down his toned arm instead.

“And I mean look at these big, firm guns! Who else has arms like these, Xuxi? And this perfect chest to lay on and these big, endearing eyes…” Ten’s hand moves to cup Yukhei’s cheek while his other one rests on the Alpha’s thigh. Yukhei giggles a bit and nuzzles into his touch, so warm all over, and then Ten leans in a kisses his lips tenderly. “Mm, and these soft, plush, delicious lips. Your eyes and your lips make you irresistible, baby.”

Yukhei chases after him and they share another sloppy kiss. He jumps when he feels Ten’s hand wrap around his dick and start to stroke him to hardness.

“Of course, can’t forget this big, thick, heavy Alpha cock...Love everything about it, even if I haven’t gotten to feel that glorious knot of yours,” Ten shuffles around and suddenly he’s straddling Yukhei and kissing him again and before Yukhei can respond, Ten sinks himself down on the Alpha’s cock, engulfing him in his blissful omega heat. “Where would I be without you to take care of me during my heats, Xuxi?”

He mutters the last question out as an afterthought, busy adjusting to the stretch of Yukhei sheathed inside, and it’s really only partially true, an Omega like him could always find  _ someone _ , but he knows what it does for Yukhei to know he’s of service to others. And he’s more than glad that it’s Yukhei of all people.

  
***

With Jungwoo in the picture, the months fly by. From that first kiss, to the time he first meets Yukhei’s dogs and it’s love at first sight, Jungwoo embeds himself so firmly and naturally in Yukhei’s life, that Yukhei barely knows what it was really like before him. He’s often stumped at the numerous layers Jungwoo’s personality holds, in awe of how multifaceted the Omega is, but he’s learning to juggle it well. 

For his part, Jungwoo is so open and kind that Yukhei couldn’t help but spill all his woes to him pretty quickly, sharing every worry about not being a good Alpha for being unmated, or his deep desire to start a family. Jungwoo takes it in stride and reassures Yukhei so easily, that Yukhei’s wolf feels like a relieved, soothed baby. In Jungwoo’s eyes, life always works out.

They make it official a few months after the kiss, and their entire team is elated. Doyoung is happy but still a bit wary, just in case it doesn’t work out, but Ten has great feeling about it. You’d have to be totally dense not to sense the effortless connection between Jungwoo and Yukhei.

The first time they give in to the sexy vibes between them, Yukhei is such a buzzing ball of happiness, nerves, excitement and love that he can’t for the life of him perform. It should be embarrassing, but with Jungwoo, it’s like nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and it’s such an easy thing to laugh off and turn into a hot, satisfying make out session, that by the time they get to try again, Yukhei has almost forgotten about it.

When a few years pass and Ten is bigger than anyone could have imagined, Yukhei and Jungwoo are still going strong, stronger than ever. They’re busy and tired so much of the time, but working around each other, getting to be in each other’s space all the time is so gratifying and fantastic that their relationship only continues to flourish. Until it’s time for  _ that _ conversation, and there’s no gift of offering or long, sappy speeches that Yukhei had always imagined he’d have to put together. Instead, they’re on their couch after a long day, and their kisses are lazy and comfortable with just a hint of spice, and it comes up so easily.

When Yukhei’s teeth sink into the bonding spot on Jungwoo’s neck, the sensations coursing through their connected bodies are so intense, that there are tears streaming down both their faces. Yukhei feels as though he’s always been destined for  _ this _ moment, in  _ this  _ bed, with Jungwoo’s fingers tangled in his hair. They ride it out for so, so long, between sobs and moans and whispered words of adoration, and are only able to take a breath and start to calm down, to share breathless giggles, when Yukhei’s knot is at full capacity and he can’t move any more.

They both parade Jungwoo’s bonding mark at work for  _ months _ on end, until they can take some time off for a honeymoon. (The only reason it can be more than two weeks is that Ten is also taking a tiny hiatus and is off the grid somewhere on a gorgeous beach being entertained by magic and love.) It’s annoying, sickeningly sweet, but no one can be anything less than happy for them.

And Yukhei...When he flops into bed every night and takes in Jungwoo’s curled up form, splayed hair, peaceful half-asleep smile, Yukhei believes that life has always had a plan for him. And that dreams do indeed come true.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is very much welcomed and appreciated!!!


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